Fridays Aren't Real
I've never bought an umbrella, delusion, & romanticizing NYC
“You can buy shoes but can’t pay your bills?”
My mother didn’t like when people would say that, I’m not sure anyone would dare say it to her, but I remember this being said by the church ladies gossiping about the latest person on the outs.
Happy Friday! I hope this evening, you’re sitting by the fire which you can now put on your television screen via youtube, drinking tea out of a teacup that you tell your friends is worth thousands. ( just me? ok) Well, I wanna share the rambling in my head. This Friday’s Arent Real is available for all subscribers! yay!
Listen, I’m not sure if I’m the only one who kept quiet to their friends, about financial struggles growing up. I played it off so well, my mother went so far as to add tags to my hand-me-down clothes during Christmas to make me think they were from a cute boutique. She taught me the game of survival and dreaming so big that instead of being bummed out that you’re eating rice and peas for the 4th time this week imagine what you would have on your plate instead and that one day soon we’ll have that meal together.
My mom told me if we were rich I wouldn’t have character, That I’d be boring. That my struggle would take me somewhere because our life was so surreal that it was easier to mold something out of it. I can still hear my mother parenting me while I get my children ready in the morning. “Wear something nice, eat an apple! People will say I’m poor but they will never say we were hungry and had no style.”
In high school one of my friends thought I was rich, I couldn’t understand why but she did, I busted her bubble and said no, I have a single mom who is a nanny. My clothes are thrifted and my mother is very smart.
I grew up in a very strict poor Christian home, so I talk myself out of things, you know, using God as an excuse to why I can’t purchase that item I need.
There’s a thunderstorm? Do I need an umbrella? It’s 10 bucks? Never mind God will keep me dry.
Growing up poor also guides you to be delusional but in the best way, the fake it till you make it.
The ‘ I’m going to order this 15-dollar old fashion at the bar and I have 20 dollars left in my account’ kind of fake it till you make it.
My mother use to say
“ We’re already poor there’s no need to be unhappy too.”
Which is a statement she would often say, I was always worried about money and she reassured me that I could have the things we “couldn’t” afford. This is something that I’m grateful for, as low-income households are usually shamed for enjoying life.
Here are things that I will prioritize over a 10 dollar umbrella:
A latte
Anything on Uber eats
Train fare
Clothes
More food
Light billChristmas lightsThere’s an overdue urgent letter from gas companyhair products
I’m starting to think my financial trauma has convinced me that an umbrella is a luxury item… Yeah, I believe an umbrella is a luxury item.
Wait there’s more on my mind…
I usually see native New Yorkers get upset at content creators romanticizing New York City. But New York is romantic, depending on what you’re in love with. Depending on what you deem as romance.
New York is full of illusions planted by delusional people, trust me I’m one of them, New Yorkers walked so Anna Delvey could fly.
I find breaking rules to be romantic, I find the hood romantic, Harlem brownstones, protests, the pain, the fight, as romance comes with heartbreak. The love we have for our cities isn’t always reciprocal. Instead of wondering if people are romanticizing a city that is always on fire, ask yourself, the viewer, what you deem as romantic. Which New York are you in love with?
I think people usually say well this curated image of high fashion and 5-star restaurants isn’t the real New York, but it is, it is New York, a very segregated city. New York is very wealthy, New York is very poor. This is a state that is notorious for deportations and famous for its galas and charities while ignoring everything outside. A state that had a high record amount of slaves yet we don’t mention it ever in our history textbooks. The beautiful row of million-dollar brownstones captured on video is the real New York. It’s just not the whole picture.
Anyway, It was raining a few days ago and I saw a 15-second video of a birds-eye view from someone’s window of New Yorkers on the upper east side all walking around with umbrellas.
And then I stepped outside in my urban mixed-income neighborhood where people were scattered running around trying not to get touched by a raindrop.
I’ve never bought an umbrella.
-C